My Life Is In Your Hands? Pt 1
When I started sharing some of my spiritual experiences with you, I promised that over time I would share more and this is one of those stories, Due to the long nature of the story I've broken it into two parts so that hopefully you won't be falling asleep, although that's still possible of course? So grab a Coffee and I'll begin......🤣
It was 2012 and i'd just been diagnosed with a large mass in my torso, I should say at this point that at no time during the whole of this experience did I ever feel it would end badly, I'm not sure if that's a deluded feeling that everyone feels when faced with a death sentence but I just instinctively knew god and spirit would look out for me. I don't believe in religion, but I'm spiritual, I live a yogic life, pray and from experience believe in a god, spirit and angels.
I looked 9 months pregnant and was having trouble walking and breathing, I'd been back and forth to the GP over the years about my swollen belly but as per everything it was just dismissed, until one day my GP was off sick and there was someone else, "Do you mind?" They asked. I didn't of course, in fact the first thing he did was examine me, something that had never happened before. He sent me straight to the hospital for blood tests and to book an urgent scan. He told me it wasn't necessarily the big C and to stay positive. As weird as it sounds I wasn't worried. The hospital had a back log issue, so even "urgent" was going to be eight weeks or more. Thankfully a Bupa scan was doable financially and they could fit me in the next day.
I could see the way the doctor kept looking at me with pity then quickly averting his eyes again that something was very wrong."You've found something?" I asked still lying there wiping the gel from my stomach. He nodded uncomfortably,
"It's okay, really, just tell me" I assured him.
He told me there was a mass, the biggest he'd ever seen and it went from the bottom to the top of my torso and was squashing all my organs, I'd need to go straight back into the NHS as urgent. Fast forward, and after a CT and MRI I went for the results. To say the consultant was brutal in delivery was an understatement but due to my sense of humour I actually found it bizarrely amusing. I wasn't sure how I was supposed to be feeling but I always had a sense that I would be okay, it felt as though everything was being manipulated for my benefit and positive outcome and so I was just riding the waves. As soon as I walked into the room he asked if i'd brought anyone with me or If I wanted to go and ring someone to be with me while he gave me the results? I thanked him but said to just tell me, I hadn't meant so brutally but hey.
He repeated what I'd already been told about the mass and squashed organs and how my bowel had been pushed up into my chest, then he said he'd never seen anything so huge that wasn't Cancer and he'd never known anyone make it off the operating table or if they had they'd never left hospital again other than to go into a hospice for the last day or two. He asked if I had a husband or children, and when I shook my head no, he continued to suggest I go home and put all my affairs in order document wise and if I had anything I wanted to say to family members or friends, now was the time to do it......he ended with "Do you understand what I'm saying?
I went home, laughed and cried at the same time but told everyone as bizarre as it sounded I knew I was going to be okay. Next meeting was in a room with the surgeon and team, he echoed what i'd already been told but added that the mass was complex and the largest he'd seen and they needed to try and get it out in one piece, but it also contained some type of cyst with things swimming in it, at which point I had an image of a couple of gold fish leisurely perusing my insides. They suggested I have a full hysterectomy at the same time because if it were cancer and any cells were left behind and they attached to my ovaries, they wouldn't be able to open me up again, meaning something like chemo would be my only option. So I agreed, Mass removal plus hysterectomy it is then ? He asked if i had any questions or was worried about anything and I said "Yes, being in a hospital at the complete mercy of strangers that know nothing about M.E (Myalgic encephalomyelitis) "
I was told not to worry and that I would be assigned someone I could talk to if I needed, not that it actually happened, but that's a whole other story.The operation however needed to be done urgently, so I would have a pre op and they'd get me in as soon as possible. Things didn't go to plan though, I had two pre-ops but still had to keep ringing the ward as the weeks went by, they lost my notes, then they found the anesthetist had them and was going to pass them back but didn't and then one Friday I phoned and the ward sister just said it was absolutely ridiculous and that I was to turn up Monday morning and she would make sure I had the Op It all seemed unprecedented, I didn't even know if she had the authority to pull it off but just had to trust in what was happening. and then I suddenly realised........
Monday 14th May was the anniversary of the loss of one of my dear friends Colin who became one of my spirit guides after his passing, I had three that I'd become aware of over the years, the others being a native American Indian called Raj and a Chinese monk called Akiyama. Again I can't explain why but I Instinctively knew that despite the awful likely outcome I'd been repeatedly given , the date of the Op was significant and just added confirmation that I was going to be okay and god and spirit had my back.Before going into hospital I quickly downloaded some gospel tracks for my MP3 player, I just wanted the comfort of some gospel, so although I didn't know the tracks, without listening I just downloaded by titles I liked the sound of. On Monday I arrived on the hospital ward and had barely parked my bum on the seat in the waiting room, when I was called and shown to my bed by the door, it was one of six. The nurse told me I was first down and needed to get changed into a gown and sexy surgical socks, and midway through that a lady from Macmillan came in and introduced herself and handed me her card and wished me luck, it was all going so fast, but even before everything went dark I had no doubt that i'd make it out of the operating theatre and the hospital and make it home again, little did I know one of the gospel tracks on the MP3 player was to play a big part in that......
As I opened my eyes, I was met with the surgeons smile, he was stood to one side watching me " Hallo, I just came to see how you were doing ?" he went on to say that it had been quite hairy at one point and he thought they might lose me, he also thought I might lose a kidney but they managed to save it, they'd managed to remove the mass but it was wound around all my organs " Never seen anything like it in all my years" he said, rubbing his chin. " You're what we call a bleeder, we couldn't stop you bleeding out, in the end I had to ram surgical sponge under your rib cage all the way around and we finally stopped it, but you'll probably feel quite bruised in that area?" Then he was gone and I drifted back into a deep sleep.
I think it was a day later, a nurse leant over me, I couldn't see her, too weak to open my eyes, but I felt her presence and breath on my face and she whispered. "You're losing too much blood and are tachycardic, I'm just going to get someone to come okay?" .... read My Life is In Your Hands Pt 2
Stay Blessed x 🙏💜
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