My Life Is In Your Hands Pt 2 ?

 I knew I was slipping in and out of consciousness, my mother said it was suddenly like a scene from Casualty, doctors came racing down the corridor and pulled the curtain around my bed and ushered her out. I felt the nurses face near mine again " You need an urgent blood transfusion, we're going to do it here now,do you understand? Can you blink or move a thumb, give me a sign that you understand?" I raised my thumb. 

Next thing i was floating in the middle of the ward, I seemed to be going from my bed to floating and back again.I was scared and decided to think of sunflowers, I love sunflowers, something to focus on and distract from whatever was happening ? But i couldn't, there was this white circle surrounded by darkness, I couldn't shift it from my mind and was getting frustrated, but then  grey clouds started floating within the white circle and then god appeared  smiling, he'd shown himself to me before, always with a crown of thorns on his head.  In that moment I wondered if this was the white tunnel people had spoken about in near death experiences. I thought it was a sign that my optimism about surviving had been wrong and instead I was about to pass over. Gods image faded and  I was back in the room again still drifting in and out of consciousness. I was aware of my mother at my side, she later told me I had told her goodbye and that I wasn't going to make it. 

While I waited to be taken over, so weak, I had a conversation with god and then I lost consciousness again.

I was woken by music " No matter what you're going through, I know that you can stand. for your life is in...in his hands"....

As I listened, this most profound energy suddenly flowed over me starting from my toes , I looked down at my body expecting to see something, I didn't, but I felt it's powerful presence, I felt its colour, like liquid honey this rich amber miracle permeating inside and out, every space, as it made it's way up my body and the song continued to play, my hands pulsating with energy automatically raised to the sky in gratitude, a sense of euphoria never experienced before. 

I took the ear phones out and removed the MP3 player that was resting on my chest, sat up and swung my legs over the bed, despite being hooked up to various tubes both sides I was able to stand and take a few steps before returning back to sit on the bed,  all was quiet and dark except for the light shining in  from the corridor, it was gone 3am. I knew in that moment without a shadow of a doubt that I was okay...but then it hit me? 

The staff kept moving the bedside cabinet by my bed during the day and not putting it back so that it ended up being about 6ft away certainly not in reaching distance. My MP3 player in a case with headphones wrapped around had been placed in one of the draws. It was the middle of the night, nobody around, you could've heard a pin drop and yet I'd awoken to the intro of "My Life Is In Your Hands", who had entered the ward, rummaged through my draw, found the player, placed an ear pod in each ear while i still lay sleeping after the transfusion, opened the MP3 player case, located the gospel album and pressed play, before placing the player on my chest and then  leaving? To this day it doesn't make sense but I truly believe it was an angel. 

The following afternoon the lady from Macmillan came to my bedside and said that while it wasn't the done thing, she'd just literally been in a meeting where my results had been discussed and they had allowed her to come and tell me. "Someone will obviously  come round and explain in more detail but you're all clear, it wasn't cancer, you're going to be okay" Turned out  the whole huge damn thing had been benign. Nobody from the doctors, surgeons or nurses could believe it .

I've been left with a few issues down my left side, but nothing I haven't been able to handle. The song "My Life Is In Your Hands" is as significant today as it was back then, in fact I designed a tattoo for my left inner arm with the Music notes  to that phrase with added angel wings as a reminder of just how blessed I was and still am. 


Stay Blessed x 🙏💜






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